At the beginning of the trailer for the upcoming Adam Sandler/David Spade/Kevin James/Chris Rock vehicle, Grown Ups 2, a scene is shown where Spade mentions getting wasted. One of several children who hears him asks, “What’s wasted?” Adam Sandler quickly replies, “When you have a hankering for ice cream.” All the children then chime in, “I wanna get wasted, oooh, can we get wasted?” These children are incorrectly applying Sandler’s definition of wasted. Their fervent requests to “get wasted” translate to “I want to have a hankering for ice cream.” In other words, the kids are saying they’d like to be in the mood for ice cream. But the urgency of their exclamations indicate that they’re asking for ice cream, meaning they’re already hankering for it, meaning they are already wasted.
This is America’s first introduction to the Grown Ups sequel, and already things aren’t adding up. The misapplication of the term “wasted” would be fine if the scene went on to show Sandler and company deriding the children for their mistake, calling them “goons,” “goobers,” “dummies,” or any other classic Sandler slam. But this does not seem to be the case. If this screenwriting slip-up is merely one of a hundred instances in the film where a joke falls flat, or doesn’t quite make sense, Sandler and company could be setting up the movie-going public for possibly the biggest disappointment in sequel history since Blues Brothers 2000. As that film still provides too painful a memory for some, it wouldn’t be a surprise if Americans choose to spend their hard-earned movie dollars elsewhere come July.
Notably absent from the Grown Ups 2 cast is longtime Sandler second banana Rob Schneider. It is the cherished hope of this writer that Schneider is busy at work on a third Deuce Bigalow film, one that will be ready for release the same day as Grown Ups 2, for those of us who still like to have a good time at the movies while not having our intelligence mocked.
Dave Grohl is the current drummer of Queens of the Stone Age. But not really. He definitely played on the forthcoming album, “…Like Clockwork.” But inevitably, Grohl will leave Queens to return to whatever project he wants to busy himself with next, whether it’s another Foo Fighters album or a documentary about the making of his forthcoming documentary, Sound City. There may not be a more perfect fit for QOTSA’s music than Grohl’s drumming. But someone has to pick up the sticks and carry on the rock and the roll. We here at bradaustin.tumblr.com have compiled a list of who we think are the ten best candidates for the job.
Certainly the most hilarious outcome would be replacing Grohl with Grohl’s very own stickman, Taylor Hawkins. Grohl and Hawkins are best friends who seem to enjoy the spirit of pranking each other. Grohl returning from Queens of the Stone Age ready to work on a new Foos record only to be informed that Hawkins has just been hired to be the new drummer for Queens of the Stone Age would be a most hilarious prank. Hawkins may not possess the hammer-of-the-gods heft of Grohl’s playing but perhaps his comparative sophistication might be a welcome change in QOTSA’s ever-changing roster of drummers.
Popular celebrities Ashton Kutcher and Wendy Williams joking around on television.
Joking around is fun. No one would claim otherwise. BUT, joking around can have its unintended consequences, and if we’re not careful, we might end up regretting all that joking around that seemed so fun at first. Here are six reasons not to joke around:
1) Your Joke May be Unfunny/Offensive
All human beings joke around at one time or another. While we would all like to believe that our joking around actually qualifies as “joking,” the reality is that many of us just aren’t very funny. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even professional jokers like Jeff Dunham have experienced jokes falling flat. The trick is to figure out as soon as possible whether or not you are funny. If so, continue joking around, but stay away from foul words such as “poop” and “booger.” Such despicable language does not make a joke any funnier. Also steer clear of “taboo” topics such as 9/11, rape, abortion, crib death, stillborn babies, AIDS, babies getting AIDS, gay marriage, politics, drugs, divorce, obesity, sports, gay divorce, Chicago pizza vs New York pizza (pictured below), etc.
Today is March 11th, aka 3/11, aka a day to remember and celebrate a band called 3/11, aka Three Eleven, aka the Greatest Rap/Rock/Ska/Punk/Metal Band of All Time, aka the Radiohead of Rap/Rock, aka My Generation’s R.E.M. In honor of this special band’s special day, I’ve compiled the eleven greatest 311 songs in history. Why 11 and not 10? Because this band rocks so hard their songs go all the way to 11! And because the number 11 is in their name.
This song comes to us from 311’s first album, Music. What a great album title, first of all. These guys are letting you know exactly what you’re going to hear when you put this CD in your CD player. It’s just music, bro. No big deal. The production values of this band were pretty humble back in ‘93 and their songwriting chops were considerably shittier. I have to admit, for the first 45 seconds or so of this song, you can’t help but wonder, “What is this horrible shit?” But then that chorus kicks in and it starts being lots of fun. And if you’re not feeling the verses or the chorus, do yourself a favor and stick around for that charming little coda! That coda didn’t need to be there. It’s a special gift from 311 to you. Enjoy.
Hi All! I just designed the poster for my first stand up comedy special, “Tony Zaret: My Life’s A Mess.” But I need to “crowd source” the actual poster. Could one of you creative types put something together for me along the lines of the other ones pictured here? Really need this poster to “pop.” I’ve included a couple pictures of me for reference or for something you can just photoshop my head into. The final photo is my design, sorry I’m not much of an artist. The “lady” is holding a rolling pin, btw, and the bottle in my hand should read “beer.” You can send me the poster on twitter! http://www.twitter.com/tonyzaret
Help my friend Tony with his poster and make his life less of a hopeless mess!
I have never seen an episode of the hit Fox series House, but I know from commercials that Dr. House is a very bad person on the surface who insults people mercilessly and is an all-around grouch. But he is a doctor and has devoted his life to helping people so maybe he’s actually pretty cool?
My girl Solange was on Letterman last night. Check it out, she hits it out of the park. Part of my duties as a blogger is to keep you abreast of the goings on of Solange Knowles. And thanks to Letterman, we now know that “Solange” is pronounced “So-lahnj” and not So-lahn-je. Thanks, Dave!
Yeah is a word we say everyday. It is often used to express agreement, or understanding. But in rock and roll, nay, in music, yeah takes on a different meaning. Yeah is an empowering, mystical word, one that can free the man who says it, and those who hear him. Yeah is the ‘Om’ of song. The following songs show yeah in its pure form: naked, raw, and true. This is yeah.
10. Kyuss - “Yeah”
Kyuss knows the meaning of yeah. Yeah is a state of mind. To demonstrate this, Kyuss gives yeah its very own track with zero accompaniment. Why dilute yeah with instruments or other needless words? If we can isolate yeah, we can get to the core of what yeah means.
Look, I get it. You don’t play drums and you don’t care. Go read Beyonce’s tumblr! Her drummer isn’t on here, by the way. Her drummer is female. That’s not why she isn’t on here. But, it’s true that there are no female drummers on this list. What does that say? Is drumming a man’s game? Is comedy a boy’s club? Are women funny? These and more questions won’t be answered in the following example of how effectively I am able to waste my time, and now yours. Here are my ten favorite drummers that ever were:
10. Billy Ficca (Television)
“Still got it.”
Feisty Ficca! Ficca the Sticka Man! Ficca Hot Lickas! Billy “Drums” Ficca! All of these nicknames would be great for this guy. But they are all unreal, and so is his drumming! Sick, sick, sick. Television will be most remembered for the interplay between guitarists Tom Verlaine and Richard Lloyd, but take away Ficca’s fluid, tumbling fills and you have a markedly less exciting band.
Listen to ALL of Television’s landmark ablum, Marquee Moon!